Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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