his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
