so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
