I just made out with a guy for $7.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
