Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
