That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
