You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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