She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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