So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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