Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
