i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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