Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
