it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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