At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
