Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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