im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Someone signed my nipple.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
