Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
3 2 1 whiskey
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
