Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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