Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
