Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
