He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
