and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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