she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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