its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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