i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
