the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize