Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
