Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
