one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize