Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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