What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
