I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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