Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
