i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
