I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
