maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
