i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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