I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
