im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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