I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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