we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
