im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
