i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he fucked my hip out of place.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
