Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
