if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize