All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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