Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
