where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
