I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
