Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
