Umm I'm too high to move.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize