grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
