I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
