It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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