1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
