The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
