this just has baby written all over it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
