no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
