Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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