I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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