I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
