god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
