My Higher Power is John Stamos
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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