This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My vagina just clenched in fear
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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