man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
