the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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