that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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