Where did you get a picture of my penis
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
