nut hugger
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
