Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
