So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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