Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
