so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
