"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im holly from the hills drunk
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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