oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
