it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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