Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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