ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize